I was almost 40 when I realised my sons were both heavily into drug use. I initially was afraid for their health and safety also for their future as regards career and normal development of life. When it slowly became clear to me they were into drugs for life, I went back to being frightened for their lives only. I was afraid they would die.

I blamed myself entirely for their drug use but didn't know why they felt they had to follow this path. Whatever I said to them, they reassured me they could control their drug use - it was clear to me this was plainly not the case, but they wouldn't hear me, and I felt useless and a failure as a mother to them.

The impact on my life was immense. It put my marriage under tremendous strain. I blamed my husband partly for my son's drug use. Home life was miserable.

I felt I was trying to support my boys, but they didn't want this. I also felt I was supporting my husband and daughter. I felt no one was there helping me in that supportive role or there to support me. Neighbours started to ignore me; some said snide things like, "I bet you never want to see your boys again."

I became severely depressed and ended up on large doses of anti-depressants. My anxiety levels were very high. I threw myself into work. This enabled me to push all thoughts of them out of my day during work hours. This is what I had to do to get through the day. At night I’d lie awake worrying, and eventually, I’d fall asleep and dream about one or other of them. It was mostly about them dying or their funeral. So real, so clear. I would never answer my front door. I would always ask my husband to do this as I just waited for the police to knock with bad news.

Thankfully they were rescued and are clean these days, and I believe for life. They have worked hard on themselves- they are now what I always knew good, honest, well-rounded and kind people. I believe this is how we raised them, and now it shows. I’m so happy that they have reclaimed their lives from drugs.

It was hard to trust them again in the house at first as we had suffered from some of the things they did at home over the years. I trust them now so do my husband and daughter. We three all try to show them this.

These days they constantly show us love and appreciation, and we try to show that back. So at long last, in later life, we have peace of mind. We know now that my three children will be there for each other whatever may happen to us. I thank God all the time for all the help they have received and for giving us a nice life again.